Eighteen Wheelers and Cocoa
by Scorpia710
Summary: The restaurant rested quietly in America, slowly serving up Harry Potter characters with a vegetable of your choice, but the horrors that lurked within would not stay quiet for long. Also known as: Remus meets big vehicle, vehicle wins!


Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of JKR. No copyright infringement is intended.

…..

"They found Remus' body."

Harry closed his eyes. He'd been waiting for so long, almost giving up and telling Dumbledore it wasn't worth it. Perhaps their first idea had been right and the Death Eaters had burned the body, or dumped it over a cliff.

"Where?"

Dumbledore shifted. To Harry's uttermost confusion, the man looked almost uncomfortable, as if he really did not want to tell Harry. An idea appeared in Harry's mind, so utterly sickening he felt himself blanch.

"Oh, God, they didn't…do stuff to him before death, right? Please don't say-"

"No! No, Harry," Dumbledore quickly inserted in faint exasperation. He clasped his hands over the surface of the desk and looked over them at Harry's pale but relieved face.

"There's more though."

A frown had been on Harry's face for what seemed like forever, but now the expression deepened in bemusement. "What?"

There was no reply and Harry clenched his fists. "Tell me Albus, I need to know-you know how much he meant to me…."

"Yes, that's why it's so hard to explain the…odd circumstances," Dumbledore muttered.

Before Harry could get upset and start yelling for an explanation, Dumbledore seemed to give in with a sigh.

"They found him in America. It seems he was transported there by portkey while in werewolf form, and without the Wolfsbane he could not control the animal instincts-"

"Shit," Harry whispered, shock making the word soft. "No one got bitten did they? He didn't kill anyone?"

"No, it seems the portkey took him to a rather deserted area, mostly bare regions with roads…and the occasional restaurant." Dumbledore seemed to choke on the last word, and Harry furrowed his eyebrows while looking up.

There was still something else, Harry could sense it. Something Dumbledore really did not want to tell him.

"Sir?" Even years later, Harry still managed to forget to call Albus by his first name, times like this.

"Harry…Remus was hit by a…ah, eighteen wheeler."

Harry blinked.

"Er…excuse me?" The 'excuse me' part came out rather high, embarrassingly high if he was to tell the truth.

"Yes, I'm not sure quite how but the truck hit him while he was in werewolf form. I understand the driver thought he was a rabid wolf."

Harry choked. "He's dead-because he got _hit_ by an _eighteen wheeler _in the United States?"

Dumbledore frowned, "I already said that Harry, you really must learn to listen."

Slumping back, Harry tried to process this. "Is he…completely whole? Did you get the body for a proper burial?" The words came out numbly.

"Ah…."

Harry stood up, gaping slightly. "There can't be _more_?"

"Yes, I'm afraid Remus had a very complex death…why he couldn't have just killed over-" Dumbledore cut himself off when he caught Harry's expression.

"You see Harry, where Remus died…well, they must be _very _hungry out there," the man mussed.

"Wh-what?"

"The driver hauled Remus' body up the road. I'm sure you will be glad to hear he was not brutally injured and that it was a quick death. Although, I'm not sure why the driver wanted to haul a dead corpse in his truck." Dumbledore paused staring past Harry's head, and then continued.

"Anyway, he came upon a restaurant appropriately named, The Roadkill Restaurant."

"Oh…my…God."

"Yes, I think you see where this is going…apparently werewolf is very tender when cooked over an open stove; he was almost all gone when we found him!"

Dumbledore's face became blurry.

"Harry?" The headmaster adopted a concerned expression. A crystal bowl filled to the brim with lemon drops swam before Harry's face and he felt like he was falling.

"Harry?"

Harry…Harry….

"Harry!"

"Wahh!"

Arms flailing, feet kicking desperately, Harry fell out of bed with a yelp. He managed to hit his head on the bedside table on the way down.

Two strong arms went carefully under his armpits and hauled him up, the quiet chuckles stopped when the person helping him caught sight of Harry's face.

"Are you okay?" A warm hand pressed against his brow and Harry leaned into it without realizing. His head reeled from surprise and the pain from the impact against the small table. "Was it another Voldemort induced nightmare? I've got a potion that might help-"

"No," Harry muttered bringing a hand up. "No," he repeated, "it was just a normal nightmare-well, not _normal_."

Remus smiled kindly and sat on the end of his bed. "Tell me?" he asked and the offer made Harry breath relief.

"It was horrible Remus. Dumbledore was telling me they'd found your body, in America no less, and that you had been killed in werewolf form by an eighteen wheeler and that the driver hauled you off and gave your body to a restaurant and they _ate _you!"

Harry stopped in shock when he realized that of all the reactions to have, Remus was laughing. He was bloody well laughing at him!

"Remus!" Harry snapped at his guardian and hit him on the shoulder, but only lightly, he was still feeling worried after the dream.

The chuckles had turned into great guffaws at Harry's horrified face and were emerging from Remus even though Harry could see the visible effort he was putting forth to stop them.

"It is _not funny_," Harry snapped. "They said you tasted tender!"

A howl of laughter emerged from Remus and Harry gaped-then, he hit him over the head with a pillow.

"Ow!" Remus gasped, more out of alarm than anything else, but a smile still lingered on his face.

"I was there thinking you were dead and gone-and even though I was really old-like twenty, can you imagine?-It was really horrible."

Remus smiled, "As you can see, I'm fine." His soft voice made Harry relax slightly, even though he would have rather stayed angry. Then, surprisingly, he leaned over and enveloped Harry in a hug.

Closing his eyes, Harry hugged him back.

"I'm fine," Remus whispered again. "And I promise I'll stay away from eighteen wheelers and suspicious restaurants."

The humor had entered his voice again and Harry huffed in annoyance. He soon saw the situation through Remus' eyes though and couldn't help laughing as well.

"Roadkill Restaurant," Harry snorted with laughter. "_What _did you put in my cocoa?"

Remus protested and Harry grinned. It was summer, and with two more months before school started, he would have plenty of time for revenge, even if it was not called for it would still be fun. Maybe he could ask some advice from Fred and George….

The End

Authors Note: Originally submitted on a different account, I decided to move it over. Don't think of me as too terrible, lol, I love Remus and would never want any harm to come to him-especially not in the form of roadkill, because that's just nasty. Please leave a review, and tell me your opinion! Everyone have a nice weekend, and after taking three tests and two quizzes, I'll be out for spring break! So hopefully some other stories will be updated, :)


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